If i come over, it means nothing
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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