I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
