Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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