they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
