Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
