if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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