I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Only a mothe r could love this liver
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
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I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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