I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
