There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
