just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
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