My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
