don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
God, I missed his penis.
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