Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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