dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
