so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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