last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
