In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
