I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
