Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
