the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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