I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
