I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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