Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I need a burrito and a hug.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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