TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
