I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
