My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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