btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
