somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
