We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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