I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
