bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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