It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
