I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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