I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
