she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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