i permit you to call me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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