remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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