dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
