Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
