____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
