I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
