My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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