My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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