Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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