Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
