Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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