It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
