Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
