I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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