how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
