i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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