I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
