I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
