I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
