Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
