someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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