Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
