the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish life had little blips of pornography
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
